Birthday reflections!

A week ago I hit the big 46. I have never been one to be bothered by age. It's just a number, and honestly most people, most days, still feel like they're 20. You may feel 20 as in you don't know everything yet. You may feel 20 when you grab one more drink or one more piece of pizza, like your metabolism still fires up like clockwork every day. But 46 has definitely made me think a little more. As a wise friend once said, at 45 you can still claim being closer to 40. At 46 you're looking to 50.

Looking to 50, do I wish for my 20s body? Sometimes. It was pretty awesome even after giving birth to 1 kid. By the time the 2nd kid came at 25, the weight was harder to lose. Sleep was harder to capture. Overall still, the body I have now is pretty ok. I can live peacefully with it.

What is the issue with looking to 50?

Looking at 50 seems to be "grown up". As a grownup do I still want my bedroom to be pieces of unmatched crap jumbled together? Nope. Do I want an unorganized, unproductive closet? Nope. Messy yard? Double nope. Corn dogs? Fuck no. Okay, maybe. But only the truly great ones that are worth an hour road trip and perfected in a 60 year old diner full of nostalgic decor. This may be the year when "enough" isn't the goal. Perfection isn't the goal either. The goal is to remove or fix whatever doesn't give me peace, and have the cake. Just not all of the cake, and not all of the time.

Here's to another year!

 

Adventures at the Barre

This past weekend I drove to Nashville, Tennessee to do a weekend barre teachers training. It focused on form and tactile adjustments. The training could be intimidating at times, there were professional dancers and people who were regulars at the studio taking the training, along with those of us who had traveled from far distances to learn.
I have been working on my confidence with a program from Chalene Johnson called Courageous Confidence. I applied many of the lessons I learned this weekend. However, my confidence problem wasn't completely fixed.
I sometimes let my old habit of blending into the background get in the way of my learning. When you can't hear well out of one ear, a group training can be intimidating. I let a particularly confident and beautiful student dominate all of the questioning on my side of the classroom. Luckily, the instructor was very patient. She came from a yoga background and you could tell. She brought a lot of peaceful calm to the mix. She brought me out of the corner so I could get away from that dominant energy, and could also hear better.
Once we went over the manual, the next day we had a lot of tests. My 9 year old had to tag along as our babysitting fell through. This particular weekend he was obsessed with this stuffed dog from a Petsmart Christmas promo back in 2011. He had waitresses bringing that  dog sodas and fries. When it came time for my big test, he gave me the dog to hold for luck. As I was packing it into the cubby his ear fell off. Whoops! Luckily that wasn't a sign, as I did pass.
Overall lessons learned-due to many years working with someone who broke  my confidence regularly by nitpicking everything and praising little, I tend to hide so no one can criticize. I need to stop trying to hide and take up my fair share of space.
This journal is a way to work on that. Thanks for joining me on my journey!
  

Feeling so much love

                                              



 My heart is currently full. For almost 5 years I taught fitness at a small gym. The fitness I taught was high impact, and the environment I worked in was very stressful. I began listening to Chalene Johnson's podcasts again after a few months of slacking, and realized this job was no longer enriching my life in any way.
     My husband travels a lot, and keeps long hours. However, he was having to pick up a lot of slack. I had a philosophy summed up as "never turn down money". That often equaled working 7 days a week, split shifts. If a kid got sick, I couldn't always drop everything and go home. He would get calls in Paris, France, or London, England from the school wanting him to get our youngest who would be feverish or otherwise icky.  We would have to scramble to get our kid.
     The journey began with a clean, organized fridge. Diet is the first and primary step to losing weight.  An organized fridge makes it easier to make right choices. Next I went through my closet. I got rid of anything that didn't make me feel great, or that I hadn't worn in years. No matter how expensive it was. Our local Goodwill got a pair of Chanel shoes I hadn't worn in five year and owned for 10 or 15 years. Ouch!
     Finally, I put in my two weeks notice. I had several formats I taught, from dance fitness to weight training. I decided to concentrate on one workout program-barre. I got the best results from barre. I had been doing it in one form or another for 13 years so I was committed, and I am one of the few instructors in my area. The market is saturated with yoga and dance fitness instructors.
     Now, to the card. When I left my job, the lovely amazing ladies I worked with gave me this card with $100.00 in it. They had taken up a collection-100 reasons why they will miss me. Now keep in mind-I live in a country town in the midwest. $100.00 is a significant amount of money for these ladies, many of whom are on fixed incomes.
     I have a wish list to the tune of a couple of hundred at Houzz and Red Dress Boutique. I wanted to put the money towards that stuff, but I decided I wanted something permanent and lasting to remember these amazing ladies by. I went to Chalene Johnson's webpage and bought the 79.00 Smart Life Push Journal. I plan to use this to "get my shit together". I will figure out what my goals are for the future and use this as a tool to do it right in honor of the love and belief these ladies gave me.


                                                                   Here's to the future!

Now what? Barre of course!

necklace by Jenny Bird

I'm enjoying the silence this early morning. I don't have to prep for a crazy dance fitness class anymore, and can just enjoy my barre. I love the peaceful challenge barre gives me.
If you're afraid that barre is for graceful people, fear not! I was almost 6 feet tall by 7th grade. Graceful has never been my thang. If you're heavy and afraid of barre-fear not! My good friend took my first pay class at the gym. Normally all group classes are free with membership, but barre was had to be a pay class due to equipment costs. She was heavier, but had already lost a lot of weight prior. She has had amazing results, but only took the class to support me.

When you get older, maybe you still have strength and flexibility but can't bounce like you used to. Maybe a quick run will cause you to pee your pants. Hey, it happens! Deal with it. You can still challenge yourself with the isometric/dynamic exercises in barre. It's hard, but not so painful you can't use those muscles the next day.

About Today

It's a big day for me. I spent almost 5 years in a gym setting. Today I quit. I'd been re-evaluating things after a health scare and realized this job wasn't for me. I loved the customers, this was a women only gym. However, I was teaching many different formats such as dancing, yoga, weights, and personal training, and I wanted to slow down. I'm going to be 46 and I worked twice a day most days, 6 days a week.

But now what. I want to be shallow! I love clothes and fashion but spent 6 days a week in sweats. What's my personal style? I know what I like to look at. I know whose blogs I follow for inspiration. I haven't found many over 40 style blogs I click with yet, but I'm hoping I'll find my style soul mate!